Broken. I can't really express the feeling of losing something very dear to you, but for those of you who have felt it maybe you can understand my pain. Even though my heart has been crushed, God is bigger than this. So much bigger in fact, that my issues pale in comparison to the rest of the world, but that's the beauty of our Lord, He still cares. Today the feeling of being broken, even now, is coupled with relief and joy. It brings me to tears to think of my loss at this moment, but even more so thinking of how much my father in heaven cares; and to know His plan in this is so grand.
I have prayed many things over the last few days and I asked God to have it just fall away if it wasn't of Him. And even though it hurts so bad to know that breaking my heart was His plan for me, especially knowing the history behind my dilemma, knowing that He had to break my heart so He could build it up the way He wants is so much more beautiful and precious to me. It's amazing being able to see God's grace even in our most troubling of times... I still can't believe that what has been for so long is now gone, but knowing that God is right here beside me is comforting. "I miss my friend" and even though that may be true my loss has reunited me with my Lord and savior.
Love hurts and it's definitely not easy, but going through this trial is showing me just how much God loves me and how he feels about me every day. All I can do is put it all in His hands and follow Him wherever He leads me. It's going to be very difficult though, but I'm ready. Praise the Lord even through the storm. "When life is in discord, Praise be the Lord." - Anberlin
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Doer of the Word
I am writing this post after an amazing 24 hour period of watching God completely orchestrate the day and seeing so many things come together, not just for me, but for nearly everyone that I came in contact with today. God is good!!!
This morning, sitting in class, I finally understood what it meant to submit and give myself over to Christ. I have said the words so many times: "God take my life, make me a new creation... etc." the prayer goes on and on. But today, God showed me his true colors. Finally once I started listening to that little voice telling me what I should or should not do He led me down a path that opened my eyes to seeing His love for me, His mercy for me, and His never ending grace in my life. It's so much easier when you just listen! "I have ways to prosper you and not to harm you." (Jeremiah 29: 11) When you finally understand that Christ is a reality, when you stop looking because He's been there, right in front of you the whole time! Gosh I can't believe the realness I've seen today. God is good!!!
The Lord has brought so many great people into my life and lately the struggles of myself and another brother in Christ of mine have really shown me the meaning of giving my heart to Christ. "Christ has been telling me the whole time I just didn't want to listen - when are you going to stop giving your heart to the things of this world and start giving it to me?" That just breaks my heart knowing that whatever pain you've ever gone through, I mean really just think of the worst moment in your life, that's how Christ feels about you every second that you aren't living for Him. He's just broken, on His knees waiting for you to open your eyes and see that He loves you with everything He is. "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2: 8) He did that for us!
At 9:11 A.M. on May 19, 2009 I put myself in God's hands, I'm His forever. I can finally say that I am a doer of the Word (James 1: 22-25) I can't wait to see what He has in store for me tomorrow! I pray for everyone who will read this and who won't that you would "find the joy in your life" if you haven't already - Jesus Christ. And may God bless you. God is good!!!
This morning, sitting in class, I finally understood what it meant to submit and give myself over to Christ. I have said the words so many times: "God take my life, make me a new creation... etc." the prayer goes on and on. But today, God showed me his true colors. Finally once I started listening to that little voice telling me what I should or should not do He led me down a path that opened my eyes to seeing His love for me, His mercy for me, and His never ending grace in my life. It's so much easier when you just listen! "I have ways to prosper you and not to harm you." (Jeremiah 29: 11) When you finally understand that Christ is a reality, when you stop looking because He's been there, right in front of you the whole time! Gosh I can't believe the realness I've seen today. God is good!!!
The Lord has brought so many great people into my life and lately the struggles of myself and another brother in Christ of mine have really shown me the meaning of giving my heart to Christ. "Christ has been telling me the whole time I just didn't want to listen - when are you going to stop giving your heart to the things of this world and start giving it to me?" That just breaks my heart knowing that whatever pain you've ever gone through, I mean really just think of the worst moment in your life, that's how Christ feels about you every second that you aren't living for Him. He's just broken, on His knees waiting for you to open your eyes and see that He loves you with everything He is. "He humbled Himself and became obedient to death - even death on a cross!" (Philippians 2: 8) He did that for us!
At 9:11 A.M. on May 19, 2009 I put myself in God's hands, I'm His forever. I can finally say that I am a doer of the Word (James 1: 22-25) I can't wait to see what He has in store for me tomorrow! I pray for everyone who will read this and who won't that you would "find the joy in your life" if you haven't already - Jesus Christ. And may God bless you. God is good!!!
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
"Everything begins with choice"
Tonight, I sit and ponder about God, His creation and His plan for everything. I'm not meaning this post to cause any doubt, just simply to think critically and ask questions about why we are here and the choices that we are able to make.
First of all, as I was walking on campus today I started to think: why does sin come so easy to all and why would God make it so fun to rebel against His word? Maybe I shouldn't say fun all of the time, but it happens on a daily basis to everyone; we all sin... a lot and often times in the same areas repeatedly. In the beginning God gave Adam and Eve a choice. There was only one thing they could not do, but they were deceived by Satin and the inevitable and long-lasting string of sin began.
God allowed Adam and Eve to decide for themselves whether they thought God's word (in the literal sense at that point) was enough, or if they wanted to try things for themselves. That's love, unforced - letting us all be who we want to be. Often times God gives us what we pray for or wish for even if He knows it isn't best for us at the time or even at all, hence the phrase: "be careful what you wish for."
When you take the focus off of yourself it's much easier to have a heart for other people, thus teaching you selflessness and the meaning of being humble and content. My point is Americans in general are already set up in a me society. For example: how can I get what I want out of this situation? (That really encompasses a lot of different questions). This sense of selfishness may be more unconscious than not, but we are always wondering how we are going to save ourselves in sticky situations by the end before we even stop to think of how the other people involved are feeling. Tomorrow try and keep that sense of self on your mind so you can be conscious of it, and realize where your heart truly is: is it for yourself or for other people?
You know there's a great saying that goes something like this: if everyone prayed for other people then you wouldn't have to pray for yourself near as much. Pray for other people tomorrow and see where that takes you, see how your heart feels at the end of the day.
Back to my original question but rephrased a little bit: Why does God allow sin to be so easy, or fun to do? The answer isn't hard when you think about it. Along with sin, even though it's fun, you feel it in your heart after it's done that something is wrong, that you aren't meant to feel that way. Sin is only a temporary fix, but God is everlasting. Suffering, it's a word I bring up often, but for good reason. It's through our suffering that God shows us His beauty, grace, glory, love and mercy. Without suffering we couldn't possibly know the meaning of grace. And it is through the easiness of being deceived by Satin's lies that we understand how magnificent a life it is to follow Jesus Christ. In Him all things are made new, there is no death or pain, no suffering or loss, only gain. You have nothing to lose by submitting to the creator of existence; "Who am I that Lord of all the Earth would care to know my name, would care to know my hurt? Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, who am I?" - Casting Crowns
"God desires no man to perish, but for all men to come to repentance" 2 Peter 3:9
First of all, as I was walking on campus today I started to think: why does sin come so easy to all and why would God make it so fun to rebel against His word? Maybe I shouldn't say fun all of the time, but it happens on a daily basis to everyone; we all sin... a lot and often times in the same areas repeatedly. In the beginning God gave Adam and Eve a choice. There was only one thing they could not do, but they were deceived by Satin and the inevitable and long-lasting string of sin began.
God allowed Adam and Eve to decide for themselves whether they thought God's word (in the literal sense at that point) was enough, or if they wanted to try things for themselves. That's love, unforced - letting us all be who we want to be. Often times God gives us what we pray for or wish for even if He knows it isn't best for us at the time or even at all, hence the phrase: "be careful what you wish for."
When you take the focus off of yourself it's much easier to have a heart for other people, thus teaching you selflessness and the meaning of being humble and content. My point is Americans in general are already set up in a me society. For example: how can I get what I want out of this situation? (That really encompasses a lot of different questions). This sense of selfishness may be more unconscious than not, but we are always wondering how we are going to save ourselves in sticky situations by the end before we even stop to think of how the other people involved are feeling. Tomorrow try and keep that sense of self on your mind so you can be conscious of it, and realize where your heart truly is: is it for yourself or for other people?
You know there's a great saying that goes something like this: if everyone prayed for other people then you wouldn't have to pray for yourself near as much. Pray for other people tomorrow and see where that takes you, see how your heart feels at the end of the day.
Back to my original question but rephrased a little bit: Why does God allow sin to be so easy, or fun to do? The answer isn't hard when you think about it. Along with sin, even though it's fun, you feel it in your heart after it's done that something is wrong, that you aren't meant to feel that way. Sin is only a temporary fix, but God is everlasting. Suffering, it's a word I bring up often, but for good reason. It's through our suffering that God shows us His beauty, grace, glory, love and mercy. Without suffering we couldn't possibly know the meaning of grace. And it is through the easiness of being deceived by Satin's lies that we understand how magnificent a life it is to follow Jesus Christ. In Him all things are made new, there is no death or pain, no suffering or loss, only gain. You have nothing to lose by submitting to the creator of existence; "Who am I that Lord of all the Earth would care to know my name, would care to know my hurt? Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, who am I?" - Casting Crowns
"God desires no man to perish, but for all men to come to repentance" 2 Peter 3:9
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Where do you stand?
Tonight has been a night of introspection; introspection with where I stand. I don't have these nights often, but when I do they're good. I normally see something on TV, or in a film, or read something somewhere that just really gets me thinking. Tonight I saw the new documentary show of Steve-o on MTV and his addiction to numerous drugs and alcohol. I found myself in shock of what I saw: sometimes we are reminded of just how fragile life can be, but then you can also be reminded just how inspiring the essence of the human heart really is. I found myself relating to Steve-o, not in the sense of alcohol or drugs, but just the downward spiral that you can get caught in. We all have our vices - sin, it's learning to control those vices and not have them control you that is key.
Now, my normal thoughts when I used to ask myself the question: where do I stand? I would compare myself would other people and inevitably get depressed because there is always someone who seems to be doing better than me in some apsect of life. But, tonight, I know where I stand and I'm content with it. My answer tonight was to compare myself with God. At first when you hear that you would think it would be more depressing because how could you ever get any happiness by comparing yourself with something perfect? My answer is that I draw my worth from the Lord now and not from others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't care about what people think, but I know how my Father in heaven feels about me and ultimately, that's all I need. I also know how that same Father in heaven feels about every person on this earth: 2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." He loves each one of us.
If you find that you are in the midst of a downward spiral and can't seem to draw your worth from anything, don't wait, just surrender yourself and His holy spirit will do the rest. I promise there is worth and healing at the cross. People will always have the ability to let you down, but God doesn't have that ability. He's faithful 'til the very end and desires a personal, honest, and open relationship with each of us. "Even through the eye of the storm, you are never alone." He's waiting for you...
Now, my normal thoughts when I used to ask myself the question: where do I stand? I would compare myself would other people and inevitably get depressed because there is always someone who seems to be doing better than me in some apsect of life. But, tonight, I know where I stand and I'm content with it. My answer tonight was to compare myself with God. At first when you hear that you would think it would be more depressing because how could you ever get any happiness by comparing yourself with something perfect? My answer is that I draw my worth from the Lord now and not from others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't care about what people think, but I know how my Father in heaven feels about me and ultimately, that's all I need. I also know how that same Father in heaven feels about every person on this earth: 2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance." He loves each one of us.
If you find that you are in the midst of a downward spiral and can't seem to draw your worth from anything, don't wait, just surrender yourself and His holy spirit will do the rest. I promise there is worth and healing at the cross. People will always have the ability to let you down, but God doesn't have that ability. He's faithful 'til the very end and desires a personal, honest, and open relationship with each of us. "Even through the eye of the storm, you are never alone." He's waiting for you...
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Submission
Lately, God has taught me a lot. When I say lately I mean since my last post, nearly 4 months ago. My first semester here at Northwest was full of confusion and doubt, doubt in myself and doubt with where I belonged and where God played into all of that. But as I've said, He has shown me a lot lately and I really stress a lot. The title of this post is one of the many things He has taught me and I believe it is the very thing that if you learn the absolute meaning of the word submission you have found absolute peace.
God has taught me submission, He has had to break down many barriers to show me the meaning of this word, He has broken me. He has broken me time and time again this semester, but with every moment suffered on His behalf has been one more opportunity for God to fill those many voids in my life. I'm not sitting here saying that I have all the answers now because of it, no, on the contrary. Through the many trials I've been through this semester He has taught me how much I don't know. Letting God fill my life where I would have formerly filled it with other temporary things has been the greatest joy in my life thus far. I finally see what God has longed to do with me since day one. All of my confusion isn't gone, but now I know where to look, I know where my worth is - in Jesus Christ who has resurrected me from the dead.
I have learned the importance of submission. If you give everything you have to God, He will break you down and it will be hard, but by the end you will be a child in His kingdom. You will no longer be of this world, but of a new one. The next step is to give your life to Him each morning, to pick up your cross daily and walk with Him. I pray that God will humble you as he has humbled me.
Which Kingdom will you choose to live by tomorrow?
God has taught me submission, He has had to break down many barriers to show me the meaning of this word, He has broken me. He has broken me time and time again this semester, but with every moment suffered on His behalf has been one more opportunity for God to fill those many voids in my life. I'm not sitting here saying that I have all the answers now because of it, no, on the contrary. Through the many trials I've been through this semester He has taught me how much I don't know. Letting God fill my life where I would have formerly filled it with other temporary things has been the greatest joy in my life thus far. I finally see what God has longed to do with me since day one. All of my confusion isn't gone, but now I know where to look, I know where my worth is - in Jesus Christ who has resurrected me from the dead.
I have learned the importance of submission. If you give everything you have to God, He will break you down and it will be hard, but by the end you will be a child in His kingdom. You will no longer be of this world, but of a new one. The next step is to give your life to Him each morning, to pick up your cross daily and walk with Him. I pray that God will humble you as he has humbled me.
Which Kingdom will you choose to live by tomorrow?
Monday, December 1, 2008
Patience & Persistence
Have you ever lost sight of who you are becoming? Or rather, not lost sight, but instead, gotten so caught up in who you used to be and wondering how to become who you think you are supposed to be?
You get caught up in life's realizations and get depressed because we lose sight of what is most important, but in suffering we are made perfect; "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9&10. It is those very weaknesses that we possess and the sufferings we must go through that allow us to see God as real and not just as a figment of our imaginations. The very fact that, in our hardest times as we are walking through life and because of our imperfect nature, God can be apparent in our lives. If we were already perfect we would have no need for God; there would be no despair, only joy or vice versa; even though we are supposed to find joy in every circumstance - the meaning of seeking God for love, mercy and grace - so that we can understand His "plan" for our lives.
Our imperfections allow us to call upon someone that is perfect so that we can find joy in our sufferings, instead of trying to get down on ourselves because life dealt you a bad hand. God would never put an obstacle in your life that you could not overcome. He puts those obstacles in our lives to test us so that we will learn to call upon Him, but not only in times of need and trial, but also when life is good. All that is needed is patience. However, we cannot have true patience if we do not have persistence along with it. God does not want us to sit around and wait for a sign because even Satin can produce signs. No, rather, He would have us endure, persist until the very end. Read His Word, "Pray without ceasing," without seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness we cannot find our own.
So, here I sit, I have been confused about my life in general for the better part of my high school career and now I find myself in college. "Most people only have enough religion to make themselves miserable." (Pastor Paul) When I heard this quote a weight was lifted from my shoulders because I realized that Christianity is more than just a title or a label, it is a way of life. It is a personal relationship with the One who gave up everything so that you may make the right choice in choosing Him. So if you find yourself struggling with this very same thing or are caught up in who you used to be and are trying to become the Christian you ought to be, "seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6: 33 Don't let patience be a tool for Satin, but rather, persist beyond what Satin allows us to twist and get tangled up in by our own labyrinth that is our earthly thoughts. Become the Christian you were born to be by persisting and persevering and by delighting in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties.
Do not get caught up in what the "stereotypical Christian" looks like. All that matters is your relationship with God, that is why it is personal. He desires that relationship with every human, it is only your choice to decide whether to follow Him; He is waiting at the door. "Here I am. I stand at the door and knock, whoever hears my voice and opens the door I will come and eat with him and he with me." Revelation 3:20
You get caught up in life's realizations and get depressed because we lose sight of what is most important, but in suffering we are made perfect; "But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 9&10. It is those very weaknesses that we possess and the sufferings we must go through that allow us to see God as real and not just as a figment of our imaginations. The very fact that, in our hardest times as we are walking through life and because of our imperfect nature, God can be apparent in our lives. If we were already perfect we would have no need for God; there would be no despair, only joy or vice versa; even though we are supposed to find joy in every circumstance - the meaning of seeking God for love, mercy and grace - so that we can understand His "plan" for our lives.
Our imperfections allow us to call upon someone that is perfect so that we can find joy in our sufferings, instead of trying to get down on ourselves because life dealt you a bad hand. God would never put an obstacle in your life that you could not overcome. He puts those obstacles in our lives to test us so that we will learn to call upon Him, but not only in times of need and trial, but also when life is good. All that is needed is patience. However, we cannot have true patience if we do not have persistence along with it. God does not want us to sit around and wait for a sign because even Satin can produce signs. No, rather, He would have us endure, persist until the very end. Read His Word, "Pray without ceasing," without seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness we cannot find our own.
So, here I sit, I have been confused about my life in general for the better part of my high school career and now I find myself in college. "Most people only have enough religion to make themselves miserable." (Pastor Paul) When I heard this quote a weight was lifted from my shoulders because I realized that Christianity is more than just a title or a label, it is a way of life. It is a personal relationship with the One who gave up everything so that you may make the right choice in choosing Him. So if you find yourself struggling with this very same thing or are caught up in who you used to be and are trying to become the Christian you ought to be, "seek first His Kingdom and righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6: 33 Don't let patience be a tool for Satin, but rather, persist beyond what Satin allows us to twist and get tangled up in by our own labyrinth that is our earthly thoughts. Become the Christian you were born to be by persisting and persevering and by delighting in weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and difficulties.
Do not get caught up in what the "stereotypical Christian" looks like. All that matters is your relationship with God, that is why it is personal. He desires that relationship with every human, it is only your choice to decide whether to follow Him; He is waiting at the door. "Here I am. I stand at the door and knock, whoever hears my voice and opens the door I will come and eat with him and he with me." Revelation 3:20
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Psychological
When being inside your own mind is all you know, how can you discern between what is real and what is fiction?
The very fundamental stepping stones of life - human and social interaction; to learn from one another and share your opinions on what life is to you. But some mornings you just wake up, and know nothing other than the fantasies that were elaborated the night before, as your sleeping consciousness was overtaken by the depth of your own lost thoughts in a dream. To put it more simply, sometimes you just lose whatever sanity you have because the realizations of life's roller coaster of emotions becomes so much more noticeable; when you are climbing up to the top, nice and slow, savoring every moment, until you reach your highest point - ecstasy. Only to find that you are heading down hill, faster than you know how to deal, then find yourself in the dark tunnels of life. You wander through the abyss, lost in the translations of right and wrong, for what seemed like only seconds, but could have lasted a lifetime. Until, finally, you come out, embraced by the light, to find out that all that was lost in that darkness is returned to you in a waking instant, and you get your sanity back.
When Jesus Christ becomes a reality again; when He's not just a thought, but a way of life. A personal relationship with God is what separates us from that darkness. To remember that having Jesus guide you through life makes you a light in and of itself is sometimes the only thing that divides you from your darkest hour. When that hour comes upon you, how will you be remembered? "We are the choices we make." So when your darkest hour is revealed, what choice would you make?
The very fundamental stepping stones of life - human and social interaction; to learn from one another and share your opinions on what life is to you. But some mornings you just wake up, and know nothing other than the fantasies that were elaborated the night before, as your sleeping consciousness was overtaken by the depth of your own lost thoughts in a dream. To put it more simply, sometimes you just lose whatever sanity you have because the realizations of life's roller coaster of emotions becomes so much more noticeable; when you are climbing up to the top, nice and slow, savoring every moment, until you reach your highest point - ecstasy. Only to find that you are heading down hill, faster than you know how to deal, then find yourself in the dark tunnels of life. You wander through the abyss, lost in the translations of right and wrong, for what seemed like only seconds, but could have lasted a lifetime. Until, finally, you come out, embraced by the light, to find out that all that was lost in that darkness is returned to you in a waking instant, and you get your sanity back.
When Jesus Christ becomes a reality again; when He's not just a thought, but a way of life. A personal relationship with God is what separates us from that darkness. To remember that having Jesus guide you through life makes you a light in and of itself is sometimes the only thing that divides you from your darkest hour. When that hour comes upon you, how will you be remembered? "We are the choices we make." So when your darkest hour is revealed, what choice would you make?
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